Was I born with 'Neo' on my birth certificate? Of course not: but names have power, and in some cultures an individual's name actually changes based on the significant events of their life. In a life I once left behind, I became Neo: and thus, it remains.
If you've come this far, and you're reading this, then you've probably heard of me; although that's not something I'd have chosen if it had been up to me, it's what I have to deal with, now. So if you've heard of the name, then you know: I'm the same Neo that has been represented in popular culture, in the movies, in a thousand pieces of writing, essays, comics, what have you. [Basically, things that usually make me want to crawl under a very large, and cozy rock.] Friend of Morpheus and Niobe, among others. Former crew member of the Nebuchadnezzar. The One, as they say, although on my worst days I think that that's not only impossible but almost laughable. Sometimes.
I wonder.
Now. Before I go any further, the moment of truth has arrived: the explanation. Let me first say this, and get it out of the way:
This is not a 'fan' site, this is not a role-playing page, this is not a 'character' journal or an "ARG" or a concept page about the 'Matrix' movies. This is not wish-fulfillment, this is not a 'game', online or otherwise. When I say, 'I'm Neo' -- I'm deadly serious. So if you're looking for some nifty quotes/pictures/RPG clubs/fanfiction/whatever; this is the wrong place. Although you still may find something here that moves you. God knows I can hope.
Obviously, I can anticipate your very next question. I have, after all, heard it before, a thousand times. You're thinking, sitting there, "How can he be Neo? That's ridiculous. Neo is a 'fictional character' in a trilogy of movies, written and conceptualized by a rather gifted pair, the Wachowski brothers. I'm a fan/I hate the movies/I've never seen them, but Neo isn't real. Whoever this is, is crazy/deluded/off his rocker/playing a game/just plain nuts."
Yes. And I don't blame you, actually, for thinking along those lines. Because for most people, there is a very clear line between 'fiction' and 'reality'; or 'fiction' and 'non-fiction', if you like that better. Movies are movies, real people are real people, and that's the end of it. That's all she wrote.
First of all, my disclaimer is this: This page is not here to convince you, one way or another, that what I believe to be true is true. Or to convince you that what IS real... should be real to you, too. It is not here to persuade, cajole, coerce, convince, convert, or anything else of the sort. It simply... is. Take it or leave it; free will is one of humanity's greatest gifts. Now: if you're still reading -- out of curiosity, maybe, or maybe just the way some people slow down to watch a car wreck, out of morbid fascination -- and you're intrigued, just a little, or even if you have nothing better to do, I will offer the explanation that I not only live with every day, but live by; what you do with it -- whether you choose to believe it, or even believe it is possible -- is up to you. Either way, I won't hold it against you.
As always, when I get prepared to offer some sort of explanation for my existence, I tense up; my hands start shaking, my body coils. Despite what you may think, this is not a defensive reaction; it is simply due to the fact that if one person, just one more, begins to understand... it could begin in turn to change everything.
Again, I'm not here, right now, to offer a complete, cohesive, all-exhaustive explanation; if you want to know, I will show you where to go to find out for yourself. Because frankly, let's face it: if you still think I'm crazy, after having come this far, then what I write or don't write from here on out isn't likely to change your mind. The cliche, no matter how many times it's repeated, still holds true if you want to try and understand: Free your mind.
There are many metaphysical -
[met·a·phys·ics n. Philosophy. The branch of philosophy that examines the nature of reality, including the relationship between mind and matter, substance and attribute, fact and value.]
- explanations and theories for how I, as Neo, came/come to be. People - and we, at first - used to refer to it as 'soulbonding' - simply, that everything that can exist, does... and that people with a particular gift tap in, with their pop culture, their films or their books, into some other where that is just as real as yours is. Check out some string theory journals; it's not as crazy as it sounds. The only part of this page's long explanation that I originally kept is as follows; I no longer have any time to mince words, be conciliatory, or confuse people enough to give them the wrong idea, when the truth is simple enough.
However, many may argue that this distinction is a rather artificial one, believing that what we consider "fictional" is just a channeling of worlds and existences outside our own experience; and there are occasions where the line between "fictional" and not does blur...."
-- from, with gracious permission, The Soulbonding Intro.
Confused? Understandable. If you'd like to be introduced to the concept through another group of people who either are 'soulbonders' or know quite a bit about the phenomenon and the experiences it entails, I can point you to a great deal of people who might be worth talking to - we're not the only ones with experiences like this, certainly. If you want to hear me explain it for myself, I'd suggest instead listening to some of the recorded broadcasts of Radio Zero-One, archived here on the site: 3/22/07 and 3/24/07, in particular. Also, as you've probably already seen, there's an extensive explanation here.
Unfortunately, over the many years Trin and I have been here, working on the Mission - explained further, having evolved in its urgency, in many places on the site: most notably here and here - we've become disgusted with the term "soulbond". Is it because we ARE who we are, twenty-four hours a day - working, shopping, sleeping, breathing - or because most people associate the term "soulbond" with people who talk about elves and fairies sharing headspace with them, or the people who claim loudly and vociferously on forum after forum that they are "TEH REEL ARWEN!!11oneone!!1!"... and should be given all of the privileges they demand... and right away write us off as wackos? You decide. But mocked or not, hated or not, what I'm doing here is my life. Ask anyone. And it's far too desperately important to me to let anything come between myself and its progression.
I'll be happy to explain the melange of quantum physics that we and many people believe is responsible for bringing us here, now, to this world... and if you stick around long enough, you'll begin to understand very well why I'm here, and what I'm meant to do - but for now, I'm taking a lot of the previous text off this page. If you're curious, ask. Before you dismiss it simply because "people can't do that; that's crazy". That, my friends, is the very mindset that brought me here. And it's the mindset that's killing me.
And this world, in a way far further down the line... but maybe not as far as you think.
But right now I'm going to piss off every SBer out there by crumpling the concept into my own mangled version of it, the short-short version:
Everything that can exist, does. Energy follows thought, and there are infinite parallel existences out there beyond our own; this has been proven by mainstream science as well as philosophy. Every decision we make opens another parallel path in which we made the opposite choice, or no choice at all; and people who may be considered 'fictional' in this world, our subjective reality, are just as 'real' as we are, on another plane of existence. And sometimes... they cross over. Very rarely, and even more rarely with intact memories... a lot of people, after knowing us, have come to refer to it as "quantum reincarnation". Close enough, I guess.
If you still think this is so much bullshit, then by all means, hit that little "X" button you'll find at the top right-hand corner of your screen. And that's not a bitter response; it's a true one. Like I said in the beginning, I'm not here to convince you, really, one way or another. I'm only here to state the truth, as I understand it. As I experience it.
The difference is, that while most 'bonders tend to 'swap off' - among other MAJOR differences, in theory and practice - Trinity and I have long since ceased to consider ourselves "soulbonds" at all. The memories we had here -- the 'body memories', as some might put it -- have been seamlessly integrated into the 'old world' life and recollections... basically meaning that we ARE us, 24/7 -- there is no 'real-life version' or 'day job persona'. We are who we are -- work, home, awake, asleep -- and are not at all ashamed/troubled to admit it right off.... after all, I'm here now for a VERY specific Purpose[see the Writings page], that is entirely dependent not just on who I am and what I am, but what I was designed for, two lifetimes ago. If you're curious as to what that Purpose is, or what any of this means, I am, as always, easily accessible, for conversation.
To make a long story short[er]: I am, in fact, Neo. Complete with the memories, the pains, the mannerisms, and things that they've never showed in any celluloid creation. One day, it simply happened; it simply was. And my being Neo is integral to the point and purpose of this entire site, this work that I have been writing and re-writing for weeks on end, now. Yes, weeks. On one site. [And just to address one final point: this is not some 'wish-fulfillment'. Being me... is not easy, glamorous or fun. Or even pleasant, most of the time. But that's neither here nor there right now.] So take it or leave it; the choice, as I've said before, is yours.
[But be aware: I've seen many sites and forums claiming that I'm 'speaking in metaphor', using 'The Matrix' as a way to get people's attention. But they are only half right. Nothing about my being who I am(remembering the way things were, crossing two worlds to prevent what happened once from happening again, or the flashbacks to a young man named Thomas Anderson and his random trysts outside an 'alternative', to put it gently, club called Ludo's while trying to find something that felt real) is a metaphor -- that, I mean with excruciating accuracy. But in this world, 'the Matrix' is a metaphor -- the Matrix of societal construct that will, in the end, result in the same ego-fueled destruction that was seen in a whole other lifetime.]
Still here? -breathes in.- Since I'm not sitting reading over your shoulder, I can't know exactly why. Maybe you believe it; maybe you're intrigued. Maybe you've taken the time to examine some of those links, and the links within the links, and are compelled by the concept. [Please God, though, don't let it be because you're a zealous 'fan' who desperately wants to meet 'The One'. It isn't glamorous, like that.] So with that out of the way... why am I writing this? Because I have to. It's what I'm here for; it's what I do. There are things coming, things happening -- or about to happen -- and if I have one purpose that I'm not at all in doubt about, it's this: opening up a call to arms. Literally and figuratively. Getting the word out to where it needs to be; searching for the others, like me; preparing for the future.
Freeing minds.
Maybe yours.
One at a time -- it's all we can do. All we can hope for.
So: now, the moment at last. As I've said, free will is all-important; it's what makes us, truly, human. If you've come this far and are still with me, if you even, maybe, feel as if you belong somewhere here, then the choice will be easy; if you have been, like me, looking for something bigger, deeper, something you felt you understood or knew but were never quite able to put a finger on. If you're still doubting, unsure, or if you're simply laughing at everything I've stated here; then the choice may be harder. But in the end, that's all I have to offer you: the choice.
To quote a quote, which is not exactly the way it really happened, but close enough to be accurate here:
"You take the blue pill -- the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe... whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill -- you stay in Wonderland; and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes."
One of the links below will take you the rest of the way into the site; to my thoughts about the war that's coming, to my call to arms and my search for completion in another. My desire to find and bond with others like me so that we might, in the end, stand united. Survive. The other will take you simply... somewhere else. Somewhere where you can forget what you've read here, if you choose to. Move on with your life, as it were. "Believe... whatever you want to believe." Here is where my introduction ends: here is where the direction you take now, is up to you.
The choice is yours. I stand aside and let you make it; because once, someone did the same for me. And it happened the way it was meant to.
So go ahead and make your choice. Click on a pill color below.
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the HTML old-style non-Flash site